Everyone has written extensively about what it’s like to be a 21^st Century woman. We have heard from Ze Seducteur, from Times who gets married from Lothario and myself. It’s hard to be a femme moderne but what is happening chez les hommes? Where are the 21^st Century men? How are they surviving all these changes? How are they affected, what do they feel?

Vincent Cespedes, a 37-year-old hunky French philosopher (and demagogic writer), former Pro in Kung Fu turned “Emotional Man” (non messieurs, that’s not a euphemism for gay), has come out with a new book called “Les hommes expliqués aux femmes”, (Men explained to Women).

Messieurs, don’t let the title stop you from reading it, as a lot of what is said and explained in the book may well verbalize what you are feeling and help you explain what you experience to your “other half”.

Mesdames, finally a guide book to the male condition: Forgive me for rambling a little too much and turning into somewhat of a philosophe de salon but in view of the wealth of his opinions, there is simply too much to say.

Men dominated society: They were the decision makers, the rulers of their home, the figurehead that took care of the wife and children. They were taught from birth to behave like strong powerful know it all’s. As women’s rights grew, one of the direct side effects was a curtailing of man’s power and rights. While people like Eric Zemmour claim men are “castrated” by women’s liberation.  Cespedes views this position as an attempt by Zemmour to justify his lack of virility. The situation has changed and man needs to adapt however, he points out, his generation, he says, was already brought up by strong liberated women and yet the change in the balance of power is still felt, and messieurs, please note the worse side effect (at least I think it’s the worse) is a general loss of libido! Oui messieurs, it hits you in the most painful place. However, it is not due to castration but rather a changing world order:

Cespedes points the finger at the era of immediate gratification. We want something we get it right away. We no longer know how to desire something prior to receiving it. The result? We fear desire as we have come to rely on satisfaction rather than desire. Technology has increased this ailment in two ways. First, everything comes to us even faster and second, we can hide behind our screens all day, develop relationships with other people without feeling the electricity passing, without seeing the non verbal communication, without even having to say who we are, dehumanizing human relations.

Messieurs, the dire result? A laziness below the belt, men no longer seduce they chat up they opt for self gratification over human interaction, they turn into what Wall-E was showing us… Men no longer whistle when they see a woman in the street…Its easier to just look at free porno on the web.  He believes this is due mainly to technology and laziness.

Contrary to our grandfathers and perhaps even our fathers, men today accept their fallibility. They cannot live up to the virility of the past where men had to live up to their own bravado when you could not admit you didn’t know the way or that you need to call the plumber because you don’t know how to repair your own pipes. Cespedes’ suggestion to change this sad state of affairs: Teach boys to be more like girls. That sounds, unmanly? Perhaps not, he claims girls are taught to admit they are afraid and to overcome their fears while boys… aren’t afraid of anything, and how can you overcome something you deny even exists?

After all this moralizing, women may feel vindicated. We have been saying this for years… well Mesdames slow down; there is another aspect to his theory.

Cespedes is vehemently against what he calls “encoupling” (l’encouplement) a word he has invented and that is catching on in the French language. He is convinced that the expectation of creating a couple out of every relationship is the root of all evil, the source of a great loss in virility, even an attack on the very concept of love. Couples he says should not be a “compromise” for people in love. One should never compromise on love and only be together as long as one “loves” each other and wishes to be together. He is neither against couples nor against women, he just believes in separating the “economic/social pressure”  from “love”.

I will leave you with a statement by Kostas Axelos: Unfortunately, woman remains to date the best means of communication between two men.

~ Shéhérazade

Eric zemmour:

Les femmes doivent devenir des hommes comme les autres:

Cespedes:
L’homme expliqué aux femmes – Vincent Cespedes

Vincent Cespedes
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