Tip #1 If sex is not a sin to her, then what is? Hint: money!

In my last installment, I was offering my oh-so-expert opinion — not! — on the fundamental difference between French and American women. Gentlemen, when it comes to dating, remember that the Women’s Movement NEVER HAPPENED in France. Not in the way it happened here. Female empowerment in US family law, politics and the workplace came at a price: sex is seen as a “sin” in American society much more so than in France. This sex-as-sin paradigm suited both American liberals (feminists like Hillary for whom being sexy implies she “gave in” to the patriarchy) and conservatives (puritanical Palin-types who are more likely to emasculate you with God-talk than give you her phone number).

Growing up in the US, girls who looked for role models on how to feel attractive had to rely on MTV and frat boys oogling at strippers. Think Girls Gone Wild. That, in my opinion, is why the American definition of “sexy” today is so darned raunchy: even good girls now have a collection of stripper shoes. American Apparel makes a fortune channeling every girl’s inner slut. To a French woman, this is inconceivable. Since her desire for sex is not seen as sinful in the first place, she doesn’t feel the need to dress like a “bad girl”. She’s perfectly comfortable flattering a man’s ego (thus controlling him) by being sexy. French men get all the power. French women get to control the men. It’s as if the women’s movement never happened.

Now does that mean that France doesn’t have its share of cultural hang-ups that affect dating? No. In fact, if the “sin” here is sex, the “sin” in France is money. As Honore de Balzac famously wrote “Behind every great fortune, there lies a great crime.” The assumption here is that to make money, you have to somehow commit atrocities to get it. A recent poll asked French people what was the most ethical way to make money: 70% replied “inheriting it”. That strikes Americans as lazy and undeserving. But French distaste for money has deep roots, going back to the French Revolution, which was all about revulsion at social injustice. Therefore, having money, and flaunting it, is seen as repulsive. If sex is what gets US politicians into trouble (whereas in France it helps their rating go up) notice how all of the French political scandals involve money or corruption. In the US, nobody cares about that. Heck, they can’t even convict Rod Blagojevich. But when the CEO of HP was caught having repeated dinners (not even sex, just dinners) with a hot woman who is not is wife, then the Board gives him the boot!

Therefore, guys, here is your dating tip: if you are trying to woo a French woman, don’t even think of talking about money. I know this will be difficult, because you probably think (falsely) that is all women want. But if showing and flaunting your financial success has yielded some positive results when dating American women, it will prove disastrous and backfire with a French woman. She expects you to make money, yes. After all, it is a basic economic need. But don’t talk about it. She will find you materialistic, work-obsessed, shallow and possibly even callous. Talk about art (if you can). Talk about your hobbies (and your desire for a more just society). Talk about your favorite movie (and how it expressed a vision of a more just society). Or better yet, talk about her (and how together, you will strive toward a more just society).

You get the hint

Ze Seducteur

Next week: Tip #2 Dinner is an art, not just pre-sex.