Ze Seducteur is back with Tip #2: 

Now comes the hard part, boys. It will test your true resolve. Do you really want to seduce that cute French chick? Do you have what it takes? Your mettle is about to be tested, because you are about to subject yourself to a deeply foreign and mind-bending experience. As an American man, it might feel as uncomfortable as a baseball player kicking a soccer ball: the refined French art of dinner conversation.

In France, dinner is not only a legendarily sacred culinary experience, it is a time of intellectual exchange and vociferous polemic. Boisterous and opinionated, French dinner conversations are a rite among families, among friends, and yes, among couples during courtship. Your cute French chick will bring this cultural heritage to the table, and you must understand it if you want to get past first base.

Remember, in my last installments, I described how sex is seen as a “sin” in puritanical/feminist America. As a result, young American women often feel obliged to veer toward the “bad girl” aesthetic in order to feel attractive and powerful. Whereas in France, it’s still normal and expected for women to be naturally sexy and a little deferential to men — this is how they control us … and it works!

So don’t be surprised if your French lady shows up for dinner very nicely dressed. (Oh, it is absolutely assumed that your first date with her is dinner. Don’t invite her for a “drink after work” because she might assume you are not taking her seriously.) Dinner is a special occasion for her. If she accepts, you are already in good shape. The sharing of food and drink may be a universal ritual in courtship, but the French take it very seriously indeed. I can promise you that she won’t show up in stripper shoes and a push-up bra. No, she is French. She will have non-revealing clothes, but that somehow makes her appear like a vision out of an intelligent movie: stylish, elegant, and a little quirky. (Don’t ask me how they do it.)

For dinner, she’ll be ready for rapid and witty exchanges. She’ll let you lead the conversation, but she wants you to entertain her with funny stories. She wants to laugh — a lot. She doesn’t want to get hammered, kiss girls and gyrate like a skank on the bar. This is dinner with a French woman. This is special. Compliment her lovely style. And she will expect you to honor the occasion, buddy. So dress up! Leave those torn, shitty jeans and t-shirt in your mom’s laundry pile. Wear new jeans (or nice pants) and a button-shirt. These are de rigueur. You can wear colorful (new) sneakers, to show that you don’t take yourself too seriously. Quirky is clever … and she likes clever. Don’t even think of trying to look like a rich street rapper or a banker. You’ll come across as a magnificent douchebag. As I described last week, French women absolutely hate guys who flaunt money. Major turn-off. The French have a little bit of a guilt complex when it comes to money. Your financial success (or puffery about it) is definitely not what she wants to hear about. Ever.

Dinner is an art, not just pre-sex. Beyond your attire, she will be judging if you hold your cutlery properly (or at all) how you speak to the restaurant staff (hint: be nice) and whether you can hold the conversation with an appropriate mix of funny and profound, witty and wise, self-aware and self-effacing. Don’t be afraid to open up. Not about your mushy “feelings” … you are not on Oprah! Just talk about your life experiences that are not work-related or remotely reminiscent of any ex-girlfriend. Then, if she still seems interested in your tales, do something that is the magical clincher with any girl: ask about her. Be genuinely interested. Lean into her words. Make her feel as though you are alone together in the world. Create that privileged place of exclusivity, where both you and her are the only ones left on the entire planet. Talk about your hopes and dreams. Ask about hers. Keep injecting jokes and self-deprecating goofiness. It should last for hours. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy the food. Enjoy her every word. Let yourself be taken by the French Feminine Mystique.

Alas, the real world will come knocking back, eventually. The bill will arrive. Pick it up … immediately, for God’s sake! You are the man on a first date. You asked her out. You picked the restaurant. You better have a budget. If you have a problem with that, then a French woman might not be right for you.

Then, walk her home. Kiss her. Once. Then leave. Don’t ask to come upstairs. You’re not getting laid tonight. Deal with it. You are aiming for more.

~ Ze Seducteur

Next week: Tip #3 Channeling your inner gentleman. Style is substance.